Darkside

Hey people,

I'm back to the dark side.
I've been trying to write this earlier, many times.. but somehow couldn't.

I've been pretending that everything is good.
That everything is on control.
That I'm alright.

Because that's what I want to be.
That's what I tell to everyone.

No one can see the real pain.
They cannot know how I feel.
How much I try to be
good
in everything.


It's an inner fight.

And I'm losing.


Because I cannot see myself anymore.

Am I somewhere?

Am I somewhere beneath all that greasy skin?


Whose blood?

Whose bones?

Whose.... heart

is beating?

Stay sane..

[I made a new blog, but I'm keeping this one as well, to myself.

This is more deeper, I can write anything and shake my shoulders free.

This is the therapy blog, I guess. Another one is the more interesting one, a happy one. The surface.]

What I wanted to write here is that I feel so f****' confused right now.

I met a guy and I fell in love with him... then I'm gone and things get complicated. I live far away.. and I'm not sure if I can deal with this long-distance relationship... and all this heartache it costs me.

Although, I try to keep it up but keep my head cool anyways. He is far away so I have my own life... but still of course, I will talk to him. If everything goes good, maybe I can handle all this.

I'm gonna start a new life anyways. I will step out of my comfort zone and get a fresh start. I just hope I don't blow it off immediately... I'm feeling that something very crazy is gonna happen very soon... I can just beg myself so that I can keep myself in control.

It's gonna be partying... meeting new people and start a newlife in a new city.

Please, let me stay sane..

Sweet times, a bitter end

Hellohey, I've been busy these couple weeks.

It's been great to show around Helsinki and Finland with Yuuki! We also went to our cottage; fishing, rowing a boat and picking up blueberries from the island on a lake. Yesterday we went to Linnanmäki amusement park and the day before we visited Suomenlinna. He is a great guy!! Just too bad he is younger than me..

We have done so much here, the best was probably last week when we went to a forest in a middle of the night to see shooting stars!! I loved it and I saw so many!
I've been feeling very good and even hyper. Also, I have learned Japanese and a lot about Japanese culture. I'm gonna be very sad when he goes home the day after tomorrow..byaaa-

Today we are gonna make sushi!
Also, I finally get my lovely cat back today.

Mata neeee~

Around Helsinki

I've been playing a tourist guide and showing around Helsinki to a French girl. She is great! And we have had so much fun together! I really like her.
She is also learning Finnish so I do my best to help her. We have been to Suomenlinna, Korkeasaari (zoo), Helsinki churches and went to a beach today. Tomorrow we will be visiting a garden and the stone church.
Also, of course shopping!

just.. one another day I also met my friend.. It was fun with him!
Although now he doesn't answer my messages so I'm afraid he is mad at me.
I'm gonna lose him too.

Well, at least it's gonna be f*cking easy to leave this country on the day when I go. I'm not gonna miss people anymore and No one is gonna miss me. So happy end I guess......

!!

I really hate people right now.......

My so called 'friend' has been treating me like a shit everytime she is dating someone. She always cancels our meetings and drangs her dates with us.. I really can't stand it but i don't wanna lose her though because I really don't have many friends. And I always pretend that I don't care and that it doesn't hurt me when she cancels...
Although now I told her how I feel and she is just saing she is sorry but you know what*? I think I really are not gonna see her that much anymore... If she wants me around, she will show it to me. I will make her beg !

Other people then... they are just being mean to me or like teasing me with their stupid jokes that I really don't want to hear.
I might be sensitive but for someone who is sensitive himself shouldn't be saying those things to me because he should know how they hurt !

So is it any surprise that I'm all alone? guess not because everyone is just being an asshole and doesnt really care about me at all.

Those two that are the closest ones for me, make me feel like shit all the time. It really doesnt help me...

どうするの?

Σ΄αγαπώ....
사랑해...
Seni seviyorum...
я тебя люблю...
我愛你...
Mahal kita...
Em yêu anh...
Te amo...
Ma armastan sind...
אני אוהבת אותך...
Jag älskar dig...
Ah loove ye...
Ich liebe Dich...
Ti amo...
Rakastan sinua...
愛してる...
Je t'aime...
I love you.


I've loved him for more than a year already.,.,.,.,

Always wish to see him and talk to him see his smile and hear his voice

I'm not sure what should I do.

Somehow he is special to me.

Songs I like to sing.

Just listed a of couple songs I like to sing. Although I rarely sing in company..

- Keane feat K'naan: Stop for a minute
- Paramore: The only exception
- Three days grace: Never too late
- Evanescence: My immortal
- Evanescence: Bring me to life
- My chemical romance: Helena