My eyes are cursed!

Today was a little catastrophe.
I finally got my psychology essay sent, yayyy!

But I also had a big fight with my left eye... -__-
I'm telling you, these eyes are fucking cursed ! People say they are pretty and what-so-ever, but the truth is, I always had big fight with these eyes.
One thing, they used to tear always all the time and in wrong places.
I was a kid who always cried, I remember when at school all the sudden I just started to cry.
Then I also cried in the middle of the night and my dad came to wake me up from my nightmares.
Well, that explains my weirdness or what, hahahaha.

Nowadays it's just the opposite.
Like today, my tears would have done good. They didn't come though.

So today I had a fight again... My left contact lense started all a sudden feel very nasty and didn't keep it's place so I was like wtf, should I take it out. Well, all make up on, I thought it's no a good thing to do, it will settle. YEAH, RIGHT, I got outside and just blinked my eye all the time and then I couldn't see at all. I realised the left lense maybe came off my eye or something, I couldn't see anything with my left eye so I though the lense was out. But how the hell did it came off by itself? No way !

I went to a short trip and had to come back home because my right eye was getting tired and I felt a little weird walking around people with not seeing so well. Then at home I tried to see if the lense is somewhere or what. I was looking for it very long time and then I realized a little pain in my upper lid. I saw something in the very corner of my eye.. and I almost fainted of terror when I realized what the hell has happened and where the hell the lense had go.
I always had this amazing fear of touching my eye and I freak out very easily if someone tries to put those nasty drops in or comes anywhere close to my eyes.. well, I went to internet, ask-a-google-friend and found out that it's normal and not harmful and that the lense can go under the upper lid and that it cannot get anywhere it shouldn't have. Yayyy, then I had about thousand fights with my eye and myself and almost gave up.
Then all a sudden, a thing was flying in my eye and I realized I needed to get it out and that it was a piece of my contact lense. A PIECE, omgg fuck, it has broken!
Then I had a crazy hurry to find another piece but couldn't see it anywhere.. Shhhhit. Well, I went to do other things and went to the mirror once a while. Finally I got it out and omg my left eye hurts and is a little red.

Yeah, you want a call my eyes pretty, huh?!
I_don't_think_sooo
-____-

they are a fucking pain.

got no friends, got no lover

This is my bipolar life.
I'm glad it has a name..
Today was so much of that.

Today has been a hell of a day. Cannot bear it....
My mom woke me up at 9am and I got so angry that had difficult falling back to sleep but still didn't get up. At 10.pm I did. I hid my anger and turned it into chippy-cheerful-over...
I talked with her about my sister, brother, and me being kids. What a conversation.
She went to work and I started freaking out since I didnt have to pretend anymore.
I freaked out in a level that I thought it was better to skip tutoring from tonight.

I wanted to act like a human being when realizing my dad was coming from work so I went to buy some sweets since I felt so shit and planned to watch Romeo and Juliet at midnight as I last time did. My dad was home and I chat with him about my University choices etc. Glad to say, I remained calm for him.

Nowww
What can I say?

I feel like breaking that mirror on my table because it doesn't reflect anything I would like to see. Too bad as well that I just read about a faker's smile so I know 10000% how it looks now.
A faker's smile.. that is the one I have adopted. My own disappeared somewhere and wonder if it gets ever found.
I look like a corpse...

And I was so excited to see Mew in November.. but it's not gonna be cool 'cos I have to be there alone. My friend got a seat and I have a stand area ticket (as it is the best!) but noooo, it's not cool to be there alone and people run me over :<
It's very cool not to have friends.
Got no friends, got no lover.

PS. why the hell I always feel even worthless as human being when I write here?
I should just kick myself.. like I would be someone who has a right to whine.. but whatever, I'm a difficult bitch who is never happy so try to deal with that !