Adored, loved

I came closer to his problem again. I think I found again more reasons to understand him and his behavior. I’m just still so out of my mind and can’t see what’s really going on. Well, a little by little. This is maybe the biggest mystery that I ever tried to solve : D

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He doesn’t seem to realize that there is a big difference between being adored and being loved. You can easily adore a person, even though he is not himself or you don’t even know who he really is. When you love someone, well obviously you know, or at least think you know them pretty well. He might be just acting or just wanting to get attention in any way he does, and that people would adore him and like him, be interested in him. But telling you the truth, being adore is actually nothing… it’s pretty useless and can only boost one’s ego but really doesn’t get one forward.

Being loved, you can only be loved if you really are your true self. If someone loves you and doesn’t really know you, of course it’s meaningless. We all know that first we have to love ourselves so that someone can really love us. Well, in this case, he propably doesn’t love himself, he is just wanting to be adored so that he can feel valuable and important and through that, maybe one day feel loved.

But seems like the only thing that matters to him is being adored and envied, to achieve and succeed in everything he decides to do. He doesn’t care about anyone, he just wants people to like him and be adored. But deep inside, he wants needs to be loved. He needs love, as we all do.
But it’s just a little bit difficult when he really isn’t himself and just wants to concentrate on the other things, to be adored in any way… To be as close to perfect that one can be. He hides his true self because he thinks he cannot be loved if he doesn’t give people reason to adore him. But it’s just the wrong thing to do. That’s why he is unhappy and sad and miserably in pieces from the inside.

He should just be himself and not to care what other people do or think about him. But hey, he is just not strong enough for that. Inside he is so insecure and scared so he really cannot take the risk like that. It’s just easier to build his confidence, which is actually so fake, to improve himself in other ways.


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Ohh wow, I wish he could just open up and try to be himself.

longing.

This week's key word is LONGING.

Longing to be with you..

Since couple days, I have been reading a good book. I will finish it today, since it's quite good.

A second ago, I found a page that had very much to say about the feeling I have right now...:

''I have learned what it means when you miss someone. I have learned to know the feeling of emptiness and the longing, and I can sense both of them around me strongly around me.

I have discovered how long and silent the nights actually are.

He was in my life only a short period of time. Our friendship was only a little breath in a history of humankind. Both of us are still gonna meet so many people in ours lives that our meeting is gonna be only one out of hundreds of all meetings. What we once talked about is not gonna be anything to remember after ten years. We will hardly remember each other after couple of years have passed.

Still, right now, I miss him so much that I never knew that would be even possible. I miss him when I'm awake and in my dreams I meet him again. In a morning when I wake up, I wish I wouldn't have to open my eyes. Why do I have to give him up?

I thought I wouldn't miss him. I thought that I could easily forget his warm brown eyes. I thought I could stop thinking about his voice and words and his thoughts.

I just realized that I was so wrong.''