Cityviews, shopping bags and travel nightmares

Seoul was ggggreat! I spent there 10 days and enjoyed a lot ♥

I found a lot of things to shop, visited a palace and Seoul tower. Almost everyday I used metro/subway and got suprised how people watched TV from their cellphones in the train. I want too!!
There were many metro lines and once we got so confused that we went to the wrong direction hahaha. But the trains were great, worked well and fast and were almost every time packed full.

When the airspace scandal started, I thought it will go away in couple days. When the day of my flight was getting closer I started to feel worried and when my flight at the end was cancelled I really started to freak out.. I thought, maybe I have to take some crazy way over Russia. Then I thought that I could go to Japan and visit my friends in Sapporo..

On Wednesday when my flight was supposed to be, I went to a department house and at six thirty about, I got a message that I supposed to be at the airport at eight to check in. I was like OMGGGG I still have a way to get home so I ran over the city in the rain and out of breath and as fast as I could I packed my things in the bag and run to the taxi. I was like omfg, If I don't catch this flight, I might stay here for weeks.. so when I heard they delayed it a little bit more and when sitting in the plane at 10, I thought how lucky I was.

My plane wasn't able to make to Helsinki though, and first they said it will land in Oulu. Well, they decided to land in Rovaniemi after all, because of safety reasons (volcanic ash heading to more north..) so the journey got a little more complicated and we all ended up hotel and had great breakfast after 4 hours of sleep and then in the morning they told us to be at the airport at 12.30. At the Rovaniemi airport we had bad news when first of all, there were so many people considered it's a small airport and no one knew what to do and where to go. Then they told us the plane is delayed and takes off at 21 or so. Well we waited... and finally the plane took off at eight and I got home before midnight.

Happy end, ehhhh?
Well, I'm not sure.

I hate to be here, and today again, I found myseld tearing my eyes off again.
Feels like nothing makes sense and that I'm here all alone.

I think I will take a break from all of this.
I might not use internet for a while.
I feel like I need to find my life again.
Just not sure what should I do.

Adored, loved

I came closer to his problem again. I think I found again more reasons to understand him and his behavior. I’m just still so out of my mind and can’t see what’s really going on. Well, a little by little. This is maybe the biggest mystery that I ever tried to solve : D

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He doesn’t seem to realize that there is a big difference between being adored and being loved. You can easily adore a person, even though he is not himself or you don’t even know who he really is. When you love someone, well obviously you know, or at least think you know them pretty well. He might be just acting or just wanting to get attention in any way he does, and that people would adore him and like him, be interested in him. But telling you the truth, being adore is actually nothing… it’s pretty useless and can only boost one’s ego but really doesn’t get one forward.

Being loved, you can only be loved if you really are your true self. If someone loves you and doesn’t really know you, of course it’s meaningless. We all know that first we have to love ourselves so that someone can really love us. Well, in this case, he propably doesn’t love himself, he is just wanting to be adored so that he can feel valuable and important and through that, maybe one day feel loved.

But seems like the only thing that matters to him is being adored and envied, to achieve and succeed in everything he decides to do. He doesn’t care about anyone, he just wants people to like him and be adored. But deep inside, he wants needs to be loved. He needs love, as we all do.
But it’s just a little bit difficult when he really isn’t himself and just wants to concentrate on the other things, to be adored in any way… To be as close to perfect that one can be. He hides his true self because he thinks he cannot be loved if he doesn’t give people reason to adore him. But it’s just the wrong thing to do. That’s why he is unhappy and sad and miserably in pieces from the inside.

He should just be himself and not to care what other people do or think about him. But hey, he is just not strong enough for that. Inside he is so insecure and scared so he really cannot take the risk like that. It’s just easier to build his confidence, which is actually so fake, to improve himself in other ways.


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Ohh wow, I wish he could just open up and try to be himself.

Making choices makes me sick...

I really can't stand it when I have to decide about some important things... I'm just so familiar with the fact that I ended up making the wrong choice, so I'm a little bit scared of making big choices.

I should decided if I want to quit my job or just keep going and work like a good person.
I feel that I'm very much needed at the work so it makes me feel a little quilty to even think about quitting. Especially with the fact that it seems so hard to get a job nowadays... and with my experience and lack of useful social relationships helping me to find a job.

But the job makes me feel so tired and I get so frustrated after work. It's very hard to get up in the morning and fight throught my way to get to work everyday. I sometimes get tired of those crying kids with their needs. They want to be hold, to be noticed and heard. To be entertained and taking care of, to be fed and to be clean. OMGGGG it's just too much and I'm losing my patience with some of the cases.

Is it all worth it? I need the money and it's a good experience for me to work... but I'm just so tired and already know that it's not my thing/the right job for me because it's tiring me out and at times, driving me crazy....

But I know that my parents are gonna whine and if I quit, I just have to find something else to keep me occupied during the days.

On the other hand, I would just like to be free...
I could just travel somewhere far away........
...think about my life and just what I really want... meet some new people and see the world.
Enjoy my life.

So maybe I had made a decision.

The hard thing is ......

I'm sure my boss is just gonna kill me for doing this.

this is hard.

Seems that there is just too much to handle (for me) right now.

I wonder if I'll be able to see an honest smile on my face somewhere around Christmas..
Well, it would be more than nice.

I need to lose weight.

I need to get my skin back to normal..
(seems harder than I thought.. ssssshit!)
based on the research I have done, seems like Im missing some vitamins.. o_O

I should read read and read boring books and prepare all the tasks for school

I should restart my life again.

Don't even ask the last one... I give you a hint though, it's something to do with the last entries..

Yeah, what the fuck ! I find it amazingly difficult to do all those things at the same time ! Because for example, I cannot concentrate on my diet before my skin is alright.. Therefore, all this shit makes me feel so bad that I don't have an ability or motivation to do any of the reading and school things !