Awesome.

i JUST laughed a real laugh. This is gonna be good, I know it for somehow.

Lately I've been feeling soooo low but at the same time, last couple days I've felted that I could just easily be happy if I really want to. I just have to believe in happiness again.

I decided to try again, try harder this time. Get some positive thinking out of things around me.
I will start my diet again, so I'll get ready for the spring.
When I'm satisfied enough, I will go and shop some new dresses and clothes as a reward for myself. Because I deserve it when I will succes.

I got the new CD of HIM and I really am in love with some of the songs already. It sounds like a great record. And very rarely I even buy cds anymore.. it's just that I have all the CDs of HIM so i had to get that one as well.

Today I went to the job-hunting office or whatever it is... near here. I said that I would like to get a hygiene and alcohold server-passes so that I could work as a waitress in a restaurant or sell alcohol. They said I could get those and they would pay me for the material and exams. AWWWWESOME! I think it's uselful to get those, therefore it's a lot easier to actually get a job in reality. Also, I like to improve myself and learn new skills hahaha.

So if everything goes well, I could work during the summer and get experience and money for the future! yayyyy.

Then, soon it's gonna be one of my friends birthday. There's gonna a lot of new people, so I'm excited.

Also what brings me up is that it seems as the weather is getting warmer.. I just can't wait that all the snow is gonna be in the drains and the sun will shine and make it warm. Birds will sing their songs and grass and trees will get greeen! I love spring, I've always loved.

My birtday is in April and I will get to travel to South Korea during that time. I'm sooooo happy about that! I can't wait... and also, I have to go to Sweden to do some shopping and of course, take a cruise there.

I have even some more plans but I'm afraid to mention it yet. I want it to be sure first.

It's all gonna be good. As long as I have my hopes up.

Btw, the kid in the picture is soooo cute! I want to have a kid like that! Adorable!!


PSSSSST.
The reason for my laugh was actually a japanese drama I've been watching lately. It's just hilarious and very silly hahahah, it's called GOKUSEN.

Smells like trouble here

A lot of things happened today ! *___*

I visited a childcare place with my school group. It was a little boring, but I got to see the tattoo guy once again ^^ yay, I actually noticed a lot of new things about him today.

One thing for example... how the hell he is so cute ? ---- OOOPS, Am I getting a new crush? WHAT? Nono, I couldn't bare. One is enough.. I think. But this one, he plays guitar and sings in a band ! Is that hot or what?

And then... WTF !! I saw him today! We actually talked because he seemed to be in no hurry and I was just curious to stop. Haven't talk face to face in months so I totally was out of my mind....

I went to library, home. I ate tons of ice cream and watched a movie called The orther Boleyn girl which has gorgeous Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson. Well, Eric Bana is ok too : D

I got some progress with some school stuff. yay... Still I feel like I'm a lot behind.

AND, the most important at all.......

I'm starting my diet again. This time it gonna be:
a light breakfast + vitamins, one-two piece of bread and fruits/vegetables and that's all for a day. About 500kcals a day.

Just home my folks don't notice anything and that I can keep myself busy and happy enough to do this. Oh and I also would need to work on my motivation.. seems like it got lost somewhere a while ago.. Wish me luck!

this is hard.

Seems that there is just too much to handle (for me) right now.

I wonder if I'll be able to see an honest smile on my face somewhere around Christmas..
Well, it would be more than nice.

I need to lose weight.

I need to get my skin back to normal..
(seems harder than I thought.. ssssshit!)
based on the research I have done, seems like Im missing some vitamins.. o_O

I should read read and read boring books and prepare all the tasks for school

I should restart my life again.

Don't even ask the last one... I give you a hint though, it's something to do with the last entries..

Yeah, what the fuck ! I find it amazingly difficult to do all those things at the same time ! Because for example, I cannot concentrate on my diet before my skin is alright.. Therefore, all this shit makes me feel so bad that I don't have an ability or motivation to do any of the reading and school things !

Victim of the city

A part of me wants to fall,

Another part wants to keep doing alright.

What a mess

. . .



He is filling my head. Every minute and second. I actually only live for him.
This is just ridiculous. Why am I such a loser ?

My diet is failing. Makes me feel mad but I just have to take care of my skin right now.
Next thing is to keep up with school. After that I can think about my diet again. Grrrrrr!

Back to him.
Ugh...
He really is killing me and at the same time my only reason to live.

I'm only alive as long as I can love him. Then again.. I have to think, is it really love? Well, I'm not sure but I'm dying to see him again.
He is causing me pain but he is the one that could ever make me happy. As long as I love him, it doesn't even mean that he has to love me. Just to be with me would make me happy.

I was about to ask him to hang out with me but on the another hand, I don't want him to see me as I am right now. I feel ugly.. and probably I wouldn't act myself.
Or.. maybe I'm just afraid and want that he would ask me to hang out...

Oh crap, why does it has to be like that ? When I have a chance, I won't use it and when I don't, then I would be ready to go for it ?