got no friends, got no lover

This is my bipolar life.
I'm glad it has a name..
Today was so much of that.

Today has been a hell of a day. Cannot bear it....
My mom woke me up at 9am and I got so angry that had difficult falling back to sleep but still didn't get up. At 10.pm I did. I hid my anger and turned it into chippy-cheerful-over...
I talked with her about my sister, brother, and me being kids. What a conversation.
She went to work and I started freaking out since I didnt have to pretend anymore.
I freaked out in a level that I thought it was better to skip tutoring from tonight.

I wanted to act like a human being when realizing my dad was coming from work so I went to buy some sweets since I felt so shit and planned to watch Romeo and Juliet at midnight as I last time did. My dad was home and I chat with him about my University choices etc. Glad to say, I remained calm for him.

Nowww
What can I say?

I feel like breaking that mirror on my table because it doesn't reflect anything I would like to see. Too bad as well that I just read about a faker's smile so I know 10000% how it looks now.
A faker's smile.. that is the one I have adopted. My own disappeared somewhere and wonder if it gets ever found.
I look like a corpse...

And I was so excited to see Mew in November.. but it's not gonna be cool 'cos I have to be there alone. My friend got a seat and I have a stand area ticket (as it is the best!) but noooo, it's not cool to be there alone and people run me over :<
It's very cool not to have friends.
Got no friends, got no lover.

PS. why the hell I always feel even worthless as human being when I write here?
I should just kick myself.. like I would be someone who has a right to whine.. but whatever, I'm a difficult bitch who is never happy so try to deal with that !