Wishing stairs

I spent Friday with my favorite person ever. We went to a store, bought carrots and candy.
We didn't do much actually, just talking, drinking a little and watching TV. I think we both enjoyed just spending time together, it didn't matter we didn't actually talk so much this time. We just felt we didn't have to.

She asked me questions though, older things that I even forgot that I told her once. I was suprised she still remembers them, I barely remember myself.
I realize that this girl is someone I never want to disappear anywhere. She has to be somewhere quite near that I can be sure she is alright.

We watched a korean scary movie called ''Wishing stairs''.
I really liked it. It wasn't scary though, just very tragic.
And ballet dancers there, ahhhhhhh ^^

I got home very late because it takes so long way from Vantaa to here : D
I didn't feel like sleeping so I didn't.
After sleeping two hours I woke up when my mom comes to my room and tells me my brother is coming. It was 5'am so I was pretty much dead.....
After that I couldn't sleep for hours -__-

Also I was shopping in Helsinki with my mom yesterday.
I found shoes, yay!
Also she gave me money and I bought two necklesses and a little cute bag.
Loving it! : )

got no friends, got no lover

This is my bipolar life.
I'm glad it has a name..
Today was so much of that.

Today has been a hell of a day. Cannot bear it....
My mom woke me up at 9am and I got so angry that had difficult falling back to sleep but still didn't get up. At 10.pm I did. I hid my anger and turned it into chippy-cheerful-over...
I talked with her about my sister, brother, and me being kids. What a conversation.
She went to work and I started freaking out since I didnt have to pretend anymore.
I freaked out in a level that I thought it was better to skip tutoring from tonight.

I wanted to act like a human being when realizing my dad was coming from work so I went to buy some sweets since I felt so shit and planned to watch Romeo and Juliet at midnight as I last time did. My dad was home and I chat with him about my University choices etc. Glad to say, I remained calm for him.

Nowww
What can I say?

I feel like breaking that mirror on my table because it doesn't reflect anything I would like to see. Too bad as well that I just read about a faker's smile so I know 10000% how it looks now.
A faker's smile.. that is the one I have adopted. My own disappeared somewhere and wonder if it gets ever found.
I look like a corpse...

And I was so excited to see Mew in November.. but it's not gonna be cool 'cos I have to be there alone. My friend got a seat and I have a stand area ticket (as it is the best!) but noooo, it's not cool to be there alone and people run me over :<
It's very cool not to have friends.
Got no friends, got no lover.

PS. why the hell I always feel even worthless as human being when I write here?
I should just kick myself.. like I would be someone who has a right to whine.. but whatever, I'm a difficult bitch who is never happy so try to deal with that !