!!

I really hate people right now.......

My so called 'friend' has been treating me like a shit everytime she is dating someone. She always cancels our meetings and drangs her dates with us.. I really can't stand it but i don't wanna lose her though because I really don't have many friends. And I always pretend that I don't care and that it doesn't hurt me when she cancels...
Although now I told her how I feel and she is just saing she is sorry but you know what*? I think I really are not gonna see her that much anymore... If she wants me around, she will show it to me. I will make her beg !

Other people then... they are just being mean to me or like teasing me with their stupid jokes that I really don't want to hear.
I might be sensitive but for someone who is sensitive himself shouldn't be saying those things to me because he should know how they hurt !

So is it any surprise that I'm all alone? guess not because everyone is just being an asshole and doesnt really care about me at all.

Those two that are the closest ones for me, make me feel like shit all the time. It really doesnt help me...

I wish I could go back in time.

I wish I could go back in time, the time she was mine.

Yhyy. I miss being with her so much..

I feel absolutely great aroung her.

Still I wish things could be the same...

I wish she would be the same

and me too.

the OLD TIMES!

How nostalgic can I ever get ?

I'm just a sad creature

I really hate my reflection. Should I crack all the mirrors in my room? Especially I can't stand the biggest one. Uglyuglyugly body and my face looks like a fat ghost. I can't stand myself.

We had a little visite today with my class.
We went to a place (a little registered association) for people with learning disabilities. You know, problems with reading & writing, dyslexia, ADHD, autism etc.
We had a lecture and first half I was just yawning and tired as hell and then the rest of it made me really sad. It reminded me of school and especially my time in elementary school. Also when I had difficulties with my slow reading in High School. I wanted to hit myself because that lesson we listened the only one I marked as cool guy in my class.. he was sitting across and I must have looked like a zombie, locked inside my bad memories and just staring in a darkness. I'm just a sad creature. But the whole fucking place that I used to go a year, came to my mind. Even thinking that place makes me breathe abnormally. Those were the weakest times in my life.

Lately it has been pretty weak too. Very gloomy, lonely and hard.
Thinking about the last year, I got dumped about this time of a year and that made me miserable. Well, it was my own fault since I didn't wanted to get married.
Then I met a new friend. He was nice and my saviour. I couldn't stand him long enough though, thinking about dumping him, I still feel bad about it and feel like a monster. But I got my eye on someone else during that time and I just felt it wasn't right, right?

Well, seems like that there's no savior for this time. He just doesn't care .. and I want no one else.

At the end, I want to put three songs that make me cry, eventhough I thought I'm not able to do that anymore.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXMF_fEdz2k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKdUoufMvd4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_gnmBtM49U