mewww!

Hyvää nimipäivää, minä !

My mom gave me a little garden in a jar, including Carnivorous plant! I was so excited about it that I put a stone in there and it almost ate my finger until it snapped and closed! OMGGG I'm a little afraid of a plant

Next week is my mom's birthday, I have to think about something nice for her..

I did my nails today and my hands look very funny when half of the nails are much longer than you can usually see on me and another ones just broke and therefore are now very short (almost no nails) and then they are purple : DDDD and on the top of it, the paint is almost gone already!

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I saw MEW tonight!

I had very nice time and felt like flying inside my head when listening the amazing sounds and saw dreamy flashes and pictures on the screen. I loved it !

got no friends, got no lover

This is my bipolar life.
I'm glad it has a name..
Today was so much of that.

Today has been a hell of a day. Cannot bear it....
My mom woke me up at 9am and I got so angry that had difficult falling back to sleep but still didn't get up. At 10.pm I did. I hid my anger and turned it into chippy-cheerful-over...
I talked with her about my sister, brother, and me being kids. What a conversation.
She went to work and I started freaking out since I didnt have to pretend anymore.
I freaked out in a level that I thought it was better to skip tutoring from tonight.

I wanted to act like a human being when realizing my dad was coming from work so I went to buy some sweets since I felt so shit and planned to watch Romeo and Juliet at midnight as I last time did. My dad was home and I chat with him about my University choices etc. Glad to say, I remained calm for him.

Nowww
What can I say?

I feel like breaking that mirror on my table because it doesn't reflect anything I would like to see. Too bad as well that I just read about a faker's smile so I know 10000% how it looks now.
A faker's smile.. that is the one I have adopted. My own disappeared somewhere and wonder if it gets ever found.
I look like a corpse...

And I was so excited to see Mew in November.. but it's not gonna be cool 'cos I have to be there alone. My friend got a seat and I have a stand area ticket (as it is the best!) but noooo, it's not cool to be there alone and people run me over :<
It's very cool not to have friends.
Got no friends, got no lover.

PS. why the hell I always feel even worthless as human being when I write here?
I should just kick myself.. like I would be someone who has a right to whine.. but whatever, I'm a difficult bitch who is never happy so try to deal with that !