Making choices makes me sick...

I really can't stand it when I have to decide about some important things... I'm just so familiar with the fact that I ended up making the wrong choice, so I'm a little bit scared of making big choices.

I should decided if I want to quit my job or just keep going and work like a good person.
I feel that I'm very much needed at the work so it makes me feel a little quilty to even think about quitting. Especially with the fact that it seems so hard to get a job nowadays... and with my experience and lack of useful social relationships helping me to find a job.

But the job makes me feel so tired and I get so frustrated after work. It's very hard to get up in the morning and fight throught my way to get to work everyday. I sometimes get tired of those crying kids with their needs. They want to be hold, to be noticed and heard. To be entertained and taking care of, to be fed and to be clean. OMGGGG it's just too much and I'm losing my patience with some of the cases.

Is it all worth it? I need the money and it's a good experience for me to work... but I'm just so tired and already know that it's not my thing/the right job for me because it's tiring me out and at times, driving me crazy....

But I know that my parents are gonna whine and if I quit, I just have to find something else to keep me occupied during the days.

On the other hand, I would just like to be free...
I could just travel somewhere far away........
...think about my life and just what I really want... meet some new people and see the world.
Enjoy my life.

So maybe I had made a decision.

The hard thing is ......

I'm sure my boss is just gonna kill me for doing this.

Nightmare continues..

I have tried

so fucking many times

Where did I lose my self control?

I should stop eating totally.


She said: ''Have you lost weight?''

AAARGGGGGGH!!

She said: ''Don't diet too much.''

Me: ''I have GAINED kilos.''

She really pisses me off.

I DIET AS MUCH AS I WANT !


I need to get out of here.. sooner the better. Here I only go insane.

here we go..

Okiess.

This weekend was nothing special. I only happened to drive myself insane, incredibly sad, mentally ill and excited and at the end, quite happy and positive.
Especially one thing lifted me in waaaaaay up but carefully, not there yet..

Then my parents came home and oaaaaah that hit me right on the face. Slammm.
Like living in a cave a year and all the sudden there is a big bunch of people coming in running and making noise like thousands of birds!?
I really have had it.. I see them too often to act friendly anymore. I should move out that I can be myself at home.. and be as much a bitch I ever want, eat what I want as much as I want.

On the top of it, they brought apples and deliciously tasty apple pie that I couldn't help but eating two pieces.. Hahahha, I really had to kick myself for not eating more.
Gladly, my psychology group had a meeting so I was hurrying out of the house. I felt like walking in a bubble the way to the class..