Stay sane..

[I made a new blog, but I'm keeping this one as well, to myself.

This is more deeper, I can write anything and shake my shoulders free.

This is the therapy blog, I guess. Another one is the more interesting one, a happy one. The surface.]

What I wanted to write here is that I feel so f****' confused right now.

I met a guy and I fell in love with him... then I'm gone and things get complicated. I live far away.. and I'm not sure if I can deal with this long-distance relationship... and all this heartache it costs me.

Although, I try to keep it up but keep my head cool anyways. He is far away so I have my own life... but still of course, I will talk to him. If everything goes good, maybe I can handle all this.

I'm gonna start a new life anyways. I will step out of my comfort zone and get a fresh start. I just hope I don't blow it off immediately... I'm feeling that something very crazy is gonna happen very soon... I can just beg myself so that I can keep myself in control.

It's gonna be partying... meeting new people and start a newlife in a new city.

Please, let me stay sane..

Oaah..

Feeling bad again.

I'm not sure why. Just everything.

My life is so boring, even though it's my own choice, kinda.

I have this bad habit of getting nostalgic and remembering old good times and memories with people. I can't get those back and it makes me sad. I would like to create new memories but seems like people just don't. They are busy or so, and I'm just not busy at all.

I wish I could just forget everything. Stop this all and start over. But my memory doesn't let me, it's like a song repeating itseld over an over. Just, I don't want to replay, I want something new.

Any ideas how could I start a new life.. just even, little by little?

Awesome.

i JUST laughed a real laugh. This is gonna be good, I know it for somehow.

Lately I've been feeling soooo low but at the same time, last couple days I've felted that I could just easily be happy if I really want to. I just have to believe in happiness again.

I decided to try again, try harder this time. Get some positive thinking out of things around me.
I will start my diet again, so I'll get ready for the spring.
When I'm satisfied enough, I will go and shop some new dresses and clothes as a reward for myself. Because I deserve it when I will succes.

I got the new CD of HIM and I really am in love with some of the songs already. It sounds like a great record. And very rarely I even buy cds anymore.. it's just that I have all the CDs of HIM so i had to get that one as well.

Today I went to the job-hunting office or whatever it is... near here. I said that I would like to get a hygiene and alcohold server-passes so that I could work as a waitress in a restaurant or sell alcohol. They said I could get those and they would pay me for the material and exams. AWWWWESOME! I think it's uselful to get those, therefore it's a lot easier to actually get a job in reality. Also, I like to improve myself and learn new skills hahaha.

So if everything goes well, I could work during the summer and get experience and money for the future! yayyyy.

Then, soon it's gonna be one of my friends birthday. There's gonna a lot of new people, so I'm excited.

Also what brings me up is that it seems as the weather is getting warmer.. I just can't wait that all the snow is gonna be in the drains and the sun will shine and make it warm. Birds will sing their songs and grass and trees will get greeen! I love spring, I've always loved.

My birtday is in April and I will get to travel to South Korea during that time. I'm sooooo happy about that! I can't wait... and also, I have to go to Sweden to do some shopping and of course, take a cruise there.

I have even some more plans but I'm afraid to mention it yet. I want it to be sure first.

It's all gonna be good. As long as I have my hopes up.

Btw, the kid in the picture is soooo cute! I want to have a kid like that! Adorable!!


PSSSSST.
The reason for my laugh was actually a japanese drama I've been watching lately. It's just hilarious and very silly hahahah, it's called GOKUSEN.