They left me all alone.
Everyone.......

//''There is so much I want to tell you.

There is so much I want to hear.

But, if after learning everything, our love breaks........

Then, I'd rather be as I am now.''

What's new.

It's been a while.

It's all very frustrating right now.

I cannot understand people. Mainly guys. I've lost two friends lately, just because they are so ridiculous to tell me they like me even though i have no interest in them in that way. Did I do something wrong? WHAT_THE_F***!

My nature is to be happy and friendly mostly, so that doesn't mean anything... well that's alright, people make mistakes -- but why do I always have to be the one who pays it all?! I've lost two great friends...

And I'm sorry to be picky, but I don't wanna date someone that I don't have deeper feelings for ! Friends... why some people just think it's enough? Rather disappear totally? I think only a LOSER would do such a thing... And why the **** they can know if I happend to change my mind after a while? Am I not good enough to fight for? Just lose your hope just like that.. what loosers have I met.

Yeahyeahyeha... My New Year was great btw ^^

Just, a little drama.

And there we go.. I'm facing another problem again : DDDDDD wtf?!

Wellll there is my ex that I thought I have still feelings for... well, in last couple days I found out that I was wrong.

Then there is this girl who seems to have a crush on me. She sends me messages a lot and tells how she doesn't usually dream about anyone.

Well, I told her that I'm not ready and that we'll see....

She doesn't seem to understand.

Well, today I found out why.. One of my friends told her NOT TO GIVE UP ON ME ! wtf ! I was so mad at her and told her how she did a wrong thing and only causes me more problems with that.. Well, she doesn't seem to understand. Seems like she only wants to get rid of me so she wants me to date someone. But _no_way_ !

I'm just a little afraid that again, I will lose a friend because that... If that would happen, I would have close to no one anymore.

Well I had lots of fun with those two at new years. We sang karaoke (Singstar, lol), hang out in her place, set couple fireworks and went to the city. Only bad thing was that it was freeeeezing cold. And that I almost lost my nerves with the girl.

I gave up for candies and chocolate, and so it will be till Easter (when I will eat chocolate egssss for sure). I gave te rest of my Christmas chocolates away, hahaha.

------

These cold winter days I'm just gonna isolate myseld and just be in the house with myself. I'm just sick of people right now, and I don't want to see how freak I must be when no one understands anything about me. Or even tries.

Goodbye friends, hello movies, games, books, computer and singing by myself.

I wish I could go back in time.

I wish I could go back in time, the time she was mine.

Yhyy. I miss being with her so much..

I feel absolutely great aroung her.

Still I wish things could be the same...

I wish she would be the same

and me too.

the OLD TIMES!

How nostalgic can I ever get ?

Nightmare continues..

I have tried

so fucking many times

Where did I lose my self control?

I should stop eating totally.


She said: ''Have you lost weight?''

AAARGGGGGGH!!

She said: ''Don't diet too much.''

Me: ''I have GAINED kilos.''

She really pisses me off.

I DIET AS MUCH AS I WANT !


I need to get out of here.. sooner the better. Here I only go insane.

WOAAAAH I saw a wonderful showww<3
Miyavi@Tavastia!
<3

I was there alone.. since no one wanted to/could come but it wasn't that bad, only thing was to wait outside in the line because it was sooooo cold and everyone else had a friend or two.

Yesterday I went to a hair dresser (she recolored my roots, and all the hair is now actually more brown and a bit red) and we celebrated my dad's birthday and mom made a cake<3 I ate half of it I'm positive : DD

Later my dad helped me with my essay and I'm happy to get it done very soon : ) also, my old school sent me a reference so that's done aswell ;)

School was very shitful today. I did a group work with someone who was totally stupid and didn't even know how to look good (how to shave and not have a dry skin : DD, new glasses would make a difference and shower for the smell.. hmmm, how would I do as a stylist?! Gotta think my career plans again hahah) and he didn't have any ideas for the work so basically I did all the work and we ended up running out of time.. Well, whatever.. I did my best to ask him ideas and at the end he thank me for the co-operation!
Then one good thing about school.. He talked to me for the first time ! ^^ And at the lunch I asked to sit at his table :o I was too shy to talk to him though.. but at least I sat there so maybe he at least noticed me.
Still I think maybe.. he thinks I'm a weirdow ! hahahahahah but I love his laugh ; ) and he's a cutie and has cool tattoos hahahohoho.

PS. I took a lot pictures today but I look so ugly from that close so I better not to upload them anywhere..