no title.

Last Sunday I went to Placebo's concert ^^

It was awesome ! I cannot put it to words.

I had this smile on my face when I saw my man there singing and playing his guitar ^^

luvvvv.

He is so beautiful..

I wish I could be so beautiful.

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Today was busy

(I got horrible headache couple times..)

First I almost couldn't get up. My dad was making noise and I got curious so I did wake up anyways.

I ate and as soon as I got read two pages of this little-print-no-pictures psych-book, I was soon in a sleep again -__-

I didn't get myself up until my mom called me to eat soup.

After that I went to Itäkeskus. I went to do some runnings and we went to a visit with our class. THE TATTOO GUY!! I saw him too : ) and it saved my day to see him.

it also ruined tings too... He has been in my mind since. I even googled his name !!

Then got home and had so horrible head ache that I almost skipped my japanese lesson.

Glad I didn't though, next week I cannot make it I realized.

I just hate it when I go there and my teacher tells us about Japan and I'm just thinking why the hell I cannot go there and see some new places with someone ?

Well, what ever. I cannot wait for Christmas. I even baked ginger bread on Monday! (Almost ate it all already..)

Also, I found my old candles from last years. They smell melon (green) & strawberry (red).

Just.. I'm glad I don't have to buy so many presents this year, since I have no friends to buy them.

I will buy for my girl

for my sweet cat ^^

and for my family members

+ (also those living abroad)

and have to buy Christmas cards btw! Just some ^^

Smells like trouble here

A lot of things happened today ! *___*

I visited a childcare place with my school group. It was a little boring, but I got to see the tattoo guy once again ^^ yay, I actually noticed a lot of new things about him today.

One thing for example... how the hell he is so cute ? ---- OOOPS, Am I getting a new crush? WHAT? Nono, I couldn't bare. One is enough.. I think. But this one, he plays guitar and sings in a band ! Is that hot or what?

And then... WTF !! I saw him today! We actually talked because he seemed to be in no hurry and I was just curious to stop. Haven't talk face to face in months so I totally was out of my mind....

I went to library, home. I ate tons of ice cream and watched a movie called The orther Boleyn girl which has gorgeous Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson. Well, Eric Bana is ok too : D

I got some progress with some school stuff. yay... Still I feel like I'm a lot behind.

AND, the most important at all.......

I'm starting my diet again. This time it gonna be:
a light breakfast + vitamins, one-two piece of bread and fruits/vegetables and that's all for a day. About 500kcals a day.

Just home my folks don't notice anything and that I can keep myself busy and happy enough to do this. Oh and I also would need to work on my motivation.. seems like it got lost somewhere a while ago.. Wish me luck!

I'm just a sad creature

I really hate my reflection. Should I crack all the mirrors in my room? Especially I can't stand the biggest one. Uglyuglyugly body and my face looks like a fat ghost. I can't stand myself.

We had a little visite today with my class.
We went to a place (a little registered association) for people with learning disabilities. You know, problems with reading & writing, dyslexia, ADHD, autism etc.
We had a lecture and first half I was just yawning and tired as hell and then the rest of it made me really sad. It reminded me of school and especially my time in elementary school. Also when I had difficulties with my slow reading in High School. I wanted to hit myself because that lesson we listened the only one I marked as cool guy in my class.. he was sitting across and I must have looked like a zombie, locked inside my bad memories and just staring in a darkness. I'm just a sad creature. But the whole fucking place that I used to go a year, came to my mind. Even thinking that place makes me breathe abnormally. Those were the weakest times in my life.

Lately it has been pretty weak too. Very gloomy, lonely and hard.
Thinking about the last year, I got dumped about this time of a year and that made me miserable. Well, it was my own fault since I didn't wanted to get married.
Then I met a new friend. He was nice and my saviour. I couldn't stand him long enough though, thinking about dumping him, I still feel bad about it and feel like a monster. But I got my eye on someone else during that time and I just felt it wasn't right, right?

Well, seems like that there's no savior for this time. He just doesn't care .. and I want no one else.

At the end, I want to put three songs that make me cry, eventhough I thought I'm not able to do that anymore.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXMF_fEdz2k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKdUoufMvd4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_gnmBtM49U

Btw,

Today I had this awesome idea so I sent a txt to my friend. She answered no-no. Tear tear, I wanted to have a party at her house..

AND WHY, OH WHY I have to

-write a good essay about me And at the same time feel like I'm lying and that I'm just the worst applicant ever and that they should not pick me

- write and read about EMOTIONS and FEELINGS and how do they reflect our ACTIONS right now when I should NOT think about them and just forget everything ? I first thought I should not do this essay but wtf, I cannot fail it so I might as well destroy myself and it's all better

Sad sad feelins :<
This time is the worst of the whole year !

I bet it's the fucking darkness, cold and just this shitful life here in the Northern Hell.

PS. Is it true that if u dig a hole deep enough, you end up to China? ^^
(I might be desperate enough to actually try that..)

A day for failing..

I miss eating sushi :<
And lately my eating habits have been totally messed up. I only ate junk !! An too much comfort food : // The proof is that I tried on very cool jeans today which didn't fit me (my size from last spring..) I couldn' zip them!!
Fail :( well.. the good thing is, there is only one little piece of apple pie in the fridge and I bought my favorite chocolate today which didn't taste good at all and I noticed it was actually already went bad.. no longer fresh !! i was a little mad hahahahaha, how dare they sell quality chocolate in R-kioski for 2 euros and then it's some old crap, wtf!?!

Today school was alright actually. Only thing was that I was exchausted and that I had a bad habit of taking glances on his back, secretly.. I talked to a new girl in my class who seems very nice : ) and we were watching a video about Special Education. There were funny kids on the video : DD

After school I spent some ''quality time'' in a library by myself (being a big nerd surfing in facebook etc : DD) waiting for my friends to get there later. I only got 30minutes there so I tried to go shopping but as I said I lost my appetite for finding a new pair of jeans so I only bought a cute notebook where to write ^^

I thought I would be happy to see my friends for a long time. Actually I was but only the first two minutes.. after that, I wanted to leave. I don't know what's wrong with me.. It just didn't feel good to hang out with them, we have no more things in common and I feel that I'm an outsider who doesn't even wanna be an insider. Another thing that annoys me is that they are so irresponsible. Well, I should have more friends hahaha... Fail..

Since I got home I have been trying to write the final craft of my essay to apply for Universitites.. it's done, finally, but this time it's TOO LONG!! omg.. It was hard enough to write and now I have to take something out.. just.. Im-poss-ible !! :'''z Fail @ everything..

I got my Psychology books today<3 One is slightly horrible 'cos there is not really pictures or colors and it's very tiny print.. Another one is very cool and seems a good book with interesting stuff, yay!
Still.. haven't start my essay for the Special education class.. FAIL ! Well... hopefully tomorrow I will finally get the books from the library.. and just motivated enough to start (it will be night time when I'll have time.. -__- )

Then there is this thing I still didn't figure out. I just hope this one little punk would contact me and that he is not waiting for me to contact. I never call people ! And based to history of couple times.. he doesn't always give an answer to txt messages so I try to avoid that as well.Arrrgh. He's stealing my goodnight sleep.. : //

Tomorrow I hope to go to the movies.. I want to see the newest Harry Potter hahaha!

ps.. I hate blogger when it says that there is soemthing wrong with the html codes.. I'm too lazy to correct it and it's eating my nerves to fix it hundred times :p