What now...

I'm not sure how to handle things anymore.
Things are getting out of control, just before I thought that everything is gonna be fine. I felt good couple days ago, I was smiling and shining when I walked around the streets..

Well, now I got lazy and unhappy again. But still, when I think of it, NO PAIN NO GAIN.

So I bet I can handle this as well :] just now it takes a hell out of me, but soon....


I'll be happy again.

I just need three things: 1] new cell phone 2] new shoes 3] warm weather

So that's not a lot ! Especially... in the case that I'm going shopping tomorrow.

Somebody save me...

Today I enjoyed some Ben & Jerry's ice cream when they gave it for free in the city. Delicious !

I also attended some boring babysitter meeting where they told us about kids & media. Well it was alright...

Now I'm home and got nothing to do. Well it's kinda late so I could go to sleep, but tomorrow I'm all free and got nothing to do.

So I'm thinking this is how it's gonna be... whole summer?

Well, lately I got some new PS2 games so I could play those.. for example Singstar and sing here all by myself : DD

And I have some j-dramas that I want to watch... but it's still not good. I want company!

Someone who listens me and doesn't treat me badly... Just the thing is that all those people cannot come. They either don't wanna see me or cannot come otherways.

i could go to the city and meet a friend, but the thing is that lately all my so called friends have been just annoying and boring.

Like I said before, I have pretty much bad kind of friends, those that don't really care a shit if I die tomorrow. I need friends that I can trust and friends that I know they like me, whatever I do.

This should be good.

Everything is getting better, I hope... little by little. Since I'm having ____so_____ much fun lately.

Yeahh, absolutely. It's been just very plain these days, but that's what my life nowadays is. I almost have started to fear if I'm getting so old that I would actually almost prefer to take things slowly and peacefully... and prefer nothing to happen.
No.... Who am I kidding?! : DDD It's just have to be the weather change. It's been too cold too long and still that huge mountain of snow in our backyard. That's just it. I feel like I'm still in my winter sleep, although it should be spring already !

I took the official hygiene-knowledge test (or whatever you call it in English.....) and I passed it way over ; ) hahaha, I'm so good.
Just the thing is, that it still seems to be so hard to get a job. They require that fucking pass but they still want that I have some kind of papers from culinary school or at least couple working years in some food business. Yeah right ! What the ****

Next thing would be to study about serving alcohol and about the alcohol laws. I got the study material and ohhhhh shitt-- it looks complicated. I will see if I manage to do that anytime soon -___-

Tonight I went to see ALICE IN WONDERLAND in 3D. It was excellent ^^ Just a funny thing is that I never liked it as a cartoon as a kid, back then I thought it was too crazy and silly and messy. Well actually, I still think so. Just this Burton's movie version was sooo much better and not dull or bad-like-crazy at all.
Still I have to say, those 3D glasses caused me headache and my eyes dried so much !! I almost felt like I have to take my contacts out.. but of course I couldn't.
In the movie there were so perfect looking girls with their good bodies. Alice, for example was sooo cute and perfect girly looking. Then my favorite Anne Hathaway and her lovely thin body. OMG, I wanna be like her... -__-''

I got a new Singstar game ^^ I tried it yesterday and today I sang a lot too : D it has some good songs so it's pretty good. I want to get some but couldn't find them at sale price yet. Then some night I'm gonna play those at my friends place with her, just like earlier.

Tomorrow there's gonna be some movie on in TV. Actually I can't even remember when I last watch a movie from tv.
Also tomorrow hopefully I will have time to write some letters, read a book...
I would like to go out and take a walk or maybe even jogging, just I would hate to do that walking my shoes full of snow ! So get that efffin snow off already dear weatherman !

Then I have one secret not yet to tell. I just need to wait a week or so ^^

(A)nger (B)oredom (C)areless

Why every time I look at the mirror I see some expressionless, bad living, fat and a lifeless girl. She looks like she has lost her life somewhere long time ago!
Well, that's me.

This morning anger hit me. All the sudden I just got angry! I probably was thinkin' about him and that made me breathe some bad air and my brain got overheated. I really wanted to kick something but I couldn't. I'm glad I didn't make a sound, only inside I was screaming from the top of my lungs.
There must be something wrong with me.
Well, I know already that I'm fat and my face has dropped off.

The whole day was pretending. First my mom who all the sudden was leaving the house as I was. I was boiling over a little, but then I immediately hid it.
On my way to school I put some music to let it out with it. (Bullet for my Valentine, I was mad when I noticed I didn't have any screamo or stuff)
I got to school and sit there as calm as I could. Nnnnah, my friend came and I had to talk. I felt bad to ignore some things she said but I just wanted to be alone.
Then the whole hallway was getting full and we went to an art exhibition as a group.

It was pretty cool there though, I put my bad mood on the side and got a dreamy sleepy mood as seeing surrealistic art. There was one interesting video tape which made me to plan my next story to write. I wrote the ideas down for later (right now I'm too weak for the theme on the story; it will be something about manipulation, self-harm and obsessive love, which makes me think of Twilight actually, but nooo I was thinking something way darker).

I was in a weak mood so I needed to spend some money. I only bought sales though, some clothes I was looking at yesterday.
I got a hoodie (it was kinda cute and nice colors hahaha) 15 e
a vest (looks like leather but surely not) 7 e
a t-shirt (green-black striped) 10 e
Not bad actually. I haven't had money to buy clothes lately..

Next I want two CD's. The newest ones from Dúné and Muse. But I have no money... so maybe library or 4shared.com

Tomorrow school.. I hope that there is at least good packed-food if the lession is gonna be boring. Well, maybe I could buy Coca cola zero tomorrow morning ^^<3

here we go..

Okiess.

This weekend was nothing special. I only happened to drive myself insane, incredibly sad, mentally ill and excited and at the end, quite happy and positive.
Especially one thing lifted me in waaaaaay up but carefully, not there yet..

Then my parents came home and oaaaaah that hit me right on the face. Slammm.
Like living in a cave a year and all the sudden there is a big bunch of people coming in running and making noise like thousands of birds!?
I really have had it.. I see them too often to act friendly anymore. I should move out that I can be myself at home.. and be as much a bitch I ever want, eat what I want as much as I want.

On the top of it, they brought apples and deliciously tasty apple pie that I couldn't help but eating two pieces.. Hahahha, I really had to kick myself for not eating more.
Gladly, my psychology group had a meeting so I was hurrying out of the house. I felt like walking in a bubble the way to the class..