What's new.

It's been a while.

It's all very frustrating right now.

I cannot understand people. Mainly guys. I've lost two friends lately, just because they are so ridiculous to tell me they like me even though i have no interest in them in that way. Did I do something wrong? WHAT_THE_F***!

My nature is to be happy and friendly mostly, so that doesn't mean anything... well that's alright, people make mistakes -- but why do I always have to be the one who pays it all?! I've lost two great friends...

And I'm sorry to be picky, but I don't wanna date someone that I don't have deeper feelings for ! Friends... why some people just think it's enough? Rather disappear totally? I think only a LOSER would do such a thing... And why the **** they can know if I happend to change my mind after a while? Am I not good enough to fight for? Just lose your hope just like that.. what loosers have I met.

Yeahyeahyeha... My New Year was great btw ^^

Just, a little drama.

And there we go.. I'm facing another problem again : DDDDDD wtf?!

Wellll there is my ex that I thought I have still feelings for... well, in last couple days I found out that I was wrong.

Then there is this girl who seems to have a crush on me. She sends me messages a lot and tells how she doesn't usually dream about anyone.

Well, I told her that I'm not ready and that we'll see....

She doesn't seem to understand.

Well, today I found out why.. One of my friends told her NOT TO GIVE UP ON ME ! wtf ! I was so mad at her and told her how she did a wrong thing and only causes me more problems with that.. Well, she doesn't seem to understand. Seems like she only wants to get rid of me so she wants me to date someone. But _no_way_ !

I'm just a little afraid that again, I will lose a friend because that... If that would happen, I would have close to no one anymore.

Well I had lots of fun with those two at new years. We sang karaoke (Singstar, lol), hang out in her place, set couple fireworks and went to the city. Only bad thing was that it was freeeeezing cold. And that I almost lost my nerves with the girl.

I gave up for candies and chocolate, and so it will be till Easter (when I will eat chocolate egssss for sure). I gave te rest of my Christmas chocolates away, hahaha.

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These cold winter days I'm just gonna isolate myseld and just be in the house with myself. I'm just sick of people right now, and I don't want to see how freak I must be when no one understands anything about me. Or even tries.

Goodbye friends, hello movies, games, books, computer and singing by myself.

Let her smile for once, bitch

My day started really awkwardly. First of all, I was such a sleepyhead that I forgot to take my vitamins.. I was ready to go to school when I realize that somethings wrong with my right eye because I put my contact lense in and it the eye hurted so bad that I couldn't keep it open.. So I was wiping my eyes off because it teared so bad and since I couldn't keep it open, it was very hard to get the lense out. I so hate when that happens.. not very often though.

So I had a little shock because I first couldn't get it out of my eye but then I just took a deep breath and tried again and I got it off. The eye was red and still hurted so I just decided to get some more sleep that it would heal and that I don't have to cancel my plans for tonight. School is not that important, so I had to skip and just keep sleeping till noon.. haha.

I went to see my friend at her place. The train was so crouded that it made me hate trains-going-to-Vantaa even more. I got off and my friend was quickly there with her car.
We had tea and just chatted for hours. I noticed that I really had missed it. She was actually a little more talkative than usually, and she is one of the only ones that I can talk to very openly.

Then she had a call from her ex or not-ex. They really have some kind of on-off relationship and I really don't like that relationship at all. I think it makes my friend just miserable and that she has deserved so much better. The call was long and I was watching MTV, haha. Then my friend came back but I read her face very quickly and knew that the call had ruined her day. Well, we tried to catch up the converstation but then her phone rings again. Darn, it's the ex again. Then they talked even longer time (this time she was crying on the phone) and I was really getting bored.. Well, after that my friend apologied and offer me a ride for home. I was actually glad to leave, just too bad that the whole night turned like this.

I'm very disappointed. I just think my friend always gets all the shit on her back. She always seems to make the wrong decicions or just has a bad luck. I already told her that she should end this relationship but she seems to be just too desperate or something to not to do it. She always seems to think that everything is her faulth as well. I try to talk to her every time and stuff but.. Well, I cannot do a lot, she has to realize it by herself.
And I'm always ready to help this girl, she is very important for me eventhough we don't see often.

Anyways I had a nice time with her and a good day eventhough some shit happened. It's just how the life is.
Also I'm proud of myself for not eating all that candy-popcorn-chips-chocolate that was on the table in front of my eyes for a long time. I only took a couple, just to please my friend.

Tomorrow I hope that we will warm up the sauna. I have to relax hahahahaha.