Hey people,
I'm back to the dark side.
I've been trying to write this earlier, many times.. but somehow couldn't.
I've been pretending that everything is good.
That everything is on control.
That I'm alright.
Because that's what I want to be.
That's what I tell to everyone.
No one can see the real pain.
They cannot know how I feel.
How much I try to be
good
in everything.
It's an inner fight.
And I'm losing.
Because I cannot see myself anymore.
Am I somewhere?
Am I somewhere beneath all that greasy skin?
Whose blood?
Whose bones?
Whose.... heart
is beating?
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Thursday, October 22, 2009
My eyes are cursed!
Today was a little catastrophe.
I finally got my psychology essay sent, yayyy!
But I also had a big fight with my left eye... -__-
I'm telling you, these eyes are fucking cursed ! People say they are pretty and what-so-ever, but the truth is, I always had big fight with these eyes.
One thing, they used to tear always all the time and in wrong places.
I was a kid who always cried, I remember when at school all the sudden I just started to cry.
Then I also cried in the middle of the night and my dad came to wake me up from my nightmares.
Well, that explains my weirdness or what, hahahaha.
Nowadays it's just the opposite.
Like today, my tears would have done good. They didn't come though.
So today I had a fight again... My left contact lense started all a sudden feel very nasty and didn't keep it's place so I was like wtf, should I take it out. Well, all make up on, I thought it's no a good thing to do, it will settle. YEAH, RIGHT, I got outside and just blinked my eye all the time and then I couldn't see at all. I realised the left lense maybe came off my eye or something, I couldn't see anything with my left eye so I though the lense was out. But how the hell did it came off by itself? No way !
I went to a short trip and had to come back home because my right eye was getting tired and I felt a little weird walking around people with not seeing so well. Then at home I tried to see if the lense is somewhere or what. I was looking for it very long time and then I realized a little pain in my upper lid. I saw something in the very corner of my eye.. and I almost fainted of terror when I realized what the hell has happened and where the hell the lense had go.
I always had this amazing fear of touching my eye and I freak out very easily if someone tries to put those nasty drops in or comes anywhere close to my eyes.. well, I went to internet, ask-a-google-friend and found out that it's normal and not harmful and that the lense can go under the upper lid and that it cannot get anywhere it shouldn't have. Yayyy, then I had about thousand fights with my eye and myself and almost gave up.
Then all a sudden, a thing was flying in my eye and I realized I needed to get it out and that it was a piece of my contact lense. A PIECE, omgg fuck, it has broken!
Then I had a crazy hurry to find another piece but couldn't see it anywhere.. Shhhhit. Well, I went to do other things and went to the mirror once a while. Finally I got it out and omg my left eye hurts and is a little red.
Yeah, you want a call my eyes pretty, huh?!
I_don't_think_sooo
-____-
they are a fucking pain.
I finally got my psychology essay sent, yayyy!
But I also had a big fight with my left eye... -__-
I'm telling you, these eyes are fucking cursed ! People say they are pretty and what-so-ever, but the truth is, I always had big fight with these eyes.
One thing, they used to tear always all the time and in wrong places.
I was a kid who always cried, I remember when at school all the sudden I just started to cry.
Then I also cried in the middle of the night and my dad came to wake me up from my nightmares.
Well, that explains my weirdness or what, hahahaha.
Nowadays it's just the opposite.
Like today, my tears would have done good. They didn't come though.
So today I had a fight again... My left contact lense started all a sudden feel very nasty and didn't keep it's place so I was like wtf, should I take it out. Well, all make up on, I thought it's no a good thing to do, it will settle. YEAH, RIGHT, I got outside and just blinked my eye all the time and then I couldn't see at all. I realised the left lense maybe came off my eye or something, I couldn't see anything with my left eye so I though the lense was out. But how the hell did it came off by itself? No way !
I went to a short trip and had to come back home because my right eye was getting tired and I felt a little weird walking around people with not seeing so well. Then at home I tried to see if the lense is somewhere or what. I was looking for it very long time and then I realized a little pain in my upper lid. I saw something in the very corner of my eye.. and I almost fainted of terror when I realized what the hell has happened and where the hell the lense had go.
I always had this amazing fear of touching my eye and I freak out very easily if someone tries to put those nasty drops in or comes anywhere close to my eyes.. well, I went to internet, ask-a-google-friend and found out that it's normal and not harmful and that the lense can go under the upper lid and that it cannot get anywhere it shouldn't have. Yayyy, then I had about thousand fights with my eye and myself and almost gave up.
Then all a sudden, a thing was flying in my eye and I realized I needed to get it out and that it was a piece of my contact lense. A PIECE, omgg fuck, it has broken!
Then I had a crazy hurry to find another piece but couldn't see it anywhere.. Shhhhit. Well, I went to do other things and went to the mirror once a while. Finally I got it out and omg my left eye hurts and is a little red.
Yeah, you want a call my eyes pretty, huh?!
I_don't_think_sooo
-____-
they are a fucking pain.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Btw,
Today I had this awesome idea so I sent a txt to my friend. She answered no-no. Tear tear, I wanted to have a party at her house..
AND WHY, OH WHY I have to
-write a good essay about me And at the same time feel like I'm lying and that I'm just the worst applicant ever and that they should not pick me
- write and read about EMOTIONS and FEELINGS and how do they reflect our ACTIONS right now when I should NOT think about them and just forget everything ? I first thought I should not do this essay but wtf, I cannot fail it so I might as well destroy myself and it's all better
Sad sad feelins :<
This time is the worst of the whole year !
I bet it's the fucking darkness, cold and just this shitful life here in the Northern Hell.
PS. Is it true that if u dig a hole deep enough, you end up to China? ^^
(I might be desperate enough to actually try that..)
Today I had this awesome idea so I sent a txt to my friend. She answered no-no. Tear tear, I wanted to have a party at her house..
AND WHY, OH WHY I have to
-write a good essay about me And at the same time feel like I'm lying and that I'm just the worst applicant ever and that they should not pick me
- write and read about EMOTIONS and FEELINGS and how do they reflect our ACTIONS right now when I should NOT think about them and just forget everything ? I first thought I should not do this essay but wtf, I cannot fail it so I might as well destroy myself and it's all better
Sad sad feelins :<
This time is the worst of the whole year !
I bet it's the fucking darkness, cold and just this shitful life here in the Northern Hell.
PS. Is it true that if u dig a hole deep enough, you end up to China? ^^
(I might be desperate enough to actually try that..)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
