Victim of the city

A part of me wants to fall,

Another part wants to keep doing alright.

What a mess

. . .



He is filling my head. Every minute and second. I actually only live for him.
This is just ridiculous. Why am I such a loser ?

My diet is failing. Makes me feel mad but I just have to take care of my skin right now.
Next thing is to keep up with school. After that I can think about my diet again. Grrrrrr!

Back to him.
Ugh...
He really is killing me and at the same time my only reason to live.

I'm only alive as long as I can love him. Then again.. I have to think, is it really love? Well, I'm not sure but I'm dying to see him again.
He is causing me pain but he is the one that could ever make me happy. As long as I love him, it doesn't even mean that he has to love me. Just to be with me would make me happy.

I was about to ask him to hang out with me but on the another hand, I don't want him to see me as I am right now. I feel ugly.. and probably I wouldn't act myself.
Or.. maybe I'm just afraid and want that he would ask me to hang out...

Oh crap, why does it has to be like that ? When I have a chance, I won't use it and when I don't, then I would be ready to go for it ?