the X-files

I remember having nightmares and how I was so scared I almost fell off the bed when I was five years old. My dad was my hero, he came to calm me down when I cried out loud almost every night.
Still I don't know what was it about. Maybe days were so horrible that I couldn't handle it except in a sleep?! I actually don't remember a lot. I just remember I got a lot of rejection and adults often made me feel like I wasn't good as myself and that I needed to be better in many ways. I was very shy and afraid of a lot of things. Well, go figure why....

So my childhood wasn't easy. I cried so much and remember how I didn't like myself.
I couldn't do a cartwheel like all the other kids could do at my dance class. They still told me I should try out to the other group that train professionals. How ever that hit me and made me even more woundrable. Since that I haven't enjoyed dancing at all.

Since 11-years old I wanted to die. Life just wasn't easy and I felt always that I don't belong anywhere.