WOW.

How much memories a photo can refresh ^^ loving it!!

Well,, there is a reason why I love America so much, eventhough the country isn't so great itself. It just happens to be that my happiest living time was there. All the golden memories... and from the pictures I can see that i was never that happy in my life....

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

I'm so sorry I didn't trust you enough, all those situations when I doubt you.
I feel like I should have told you how much you meant to me...
I'm sorry how much I really expected from you.
I'm sorry I lied to you... and teased you by not answering my phone and ignoring some of your messages. But you did that to... just ignored me once in a while.

So I started to play your game.... and I just hurt myself. Maybe you liked it, at least it looked like that.

I still don't know the truth. I think we just couldnt make it work and either one of us didn't want to give up the game. But I really hope that I would have just lose to you, because I feel much more loser now...

I really want you back..

I know I will never be able to say this to him so therefore I just wrote it.

the X-files

I remember having nightmares and how I was so scared I almost fell off the bed when I was five years old. My dad was my hero, he came to calm me down when I cried out loud almost every night.
Still I don't know what was it about. Maybe days were so horrible that I couldn't handle it except in a sleep?! I actually don't remember a lot. I just remember I got a lot of rejection and adults often made me feel like I wasn't good as myself and that I needed to be better in many ways. I was very shy and afraid of a lot of things. Well, go figure why....

So my childhood wasn't easy. I cried so much and remember how I didn't like myself.
I couldn't do a cartwheel like all the other kids could do at my dance class. They still told me I should try out to the other group that train professionals. How ever that hit me and made me even more woundrable. Since that I haven't enjoyed dancing at all.

Since 11-years old I wanted to die. Life just wasn't easy and I felt always that I don't belong anywhere.

The sadest song I know...

A fine Frenzy - Almost lover

Is this summer?!

It's still kind of cold outside.. and has been most of the time this month. Looks like this is a crappy summer.. weather is bad and I have no one nice person to hang around with.

Last couple weeks nothing has really happened. I went to x-ray my knee, my friend had a graduation party in a restaurant, I bought a dress to take with me to Greece and I went to see a movie with my mom. I hope this is not what it's gonna be the whole time until my life restarts in September...

Well, I'm glad to visit Greece in two weeks, right after Midsummer. I will meet some Greek people as well, so it's gonna be fun and a lot of sunshine.

Ohhh I forgot to mention I met a new friend, T. She studies in the University I will be attending so I was so glad to met her and ask all those questions hhahaha. It's great to know her!!

I already booked the flight tickets to Scotland ^^ I'm so happy about that! And for sure, can't wait!!!

Until that, I will continue my passive living through books, magazines, computer games, movies and internet.. bbbah -____-

Puzzzle

On Saturday I watched The Eurovision Songcast 2010, something I usually like to do every year.

It was very tough this year I think, I liked the winner song and the sweet Lena but still there were many other songs also that would have deserved a victory as well. Well, unfortunately only one can win.

I'm not sure how I got suddenly some virus in my through or what but it has been very sore couple last days.. I hope tomorrow I can wake up and be finally happy with it !

For some reason about twice a year I always happen to catch this cactus in my throat...

What ever, I tried today again to create a new recipe for homemade bread but hahahha maybe I started to early and was too tired or something so they didn't turn out so well but anyhow I know now what ingredients to change next time. And they were ok enough.. hahah

I'm glad it's gonna be warmer soon again. I like hot weather!! And as my friend will graduate this Saturday, I will be wearing a dress and hope it's sunny.

OHHH and some random but not so random thought I had lately... I really want to visit Israel one day !! I'm serious. Hopefully soon!!

They left me all alone.
Everyone.......

//''There is so much I want to tell you.

There is so much I want to hear.

But, if after learning everything, our love breaks........

Then, I'd rather be as I am now.''